A lot of times in my life, I wondered if a best friend was absolutely necessary.
I’ve never had one.
I can clearly say I’ve never had one exact best friend, in real life.
I did once have someone I considered as such, but they didn’t see me the same way back.
I didn’t have one in elementary school, same through high school, and not one now.
Did I miss out from that? I can’t really say.
Nearly every one of my friends ever have been female, with a few exceptions now for two people I know who are good friends but are transitioning to being male.
I will say that fact did partially contribute to my own decision to be female.
But in being different in that way, it excluded me from the ways boys “get” their best friends.
No real huge sport interests.
Not much into cars, though I know how to do different repairs.
Not a rough and tumble type, either.
I suppose the constant moving around to different places didn’t help, either.
So no best friend or even a strong group of them until I was sixteen.
It didn’t help that I was bullied, that I turned inwards at a young age.
That’s what led to me trusting my father so much, when I shouldn’t have because he is a damaged and manipulative person.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m surrounded by some of the greatest friends I could ever ask for right now.
I have a few who I do call sisters, and I believe them to be the family I should have had all along.
In fact, one of them is almost my best friend, but I hold her higher because I think she's the family I deserve.
I also have a couple of brothers, now, who are embarking on the same journey I am on, just with a different path.
I have another group who are the friends I should have had a long time ago.
And I love them all so much.
I can also safely say that there have only been a few instances where I’ve lost friends.
On two of those accounts, it was my fault and I did make amends.
On the third, I think our friendship was based more on something that for me, stayed in myself and in others surrounding us, but may have been a fleeting interest for them.
And when you run out of things to say, unfortunately that can mean the end of a relationship.
Which is fine; change is constant after all.
But quite honestly, I hope an ending like that won’t happen again.
That singular pain comes back to me at times, even if it’s just something as simple as scrolling past a text post.
“I’m waiting for so and so to come online!”
I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and while there is happiness in it there’s also a great sadness if that person goes away.
Thinks nothing of it.
Who throws away years of a relationship like that?
But I’m getting past the point.
I don’t think I’m at a loss for not having a best friend.
I have a wide group, and I have my siblings…they make me feel loved, they make me feel alright.
They accept me.
And I’ve come around to thinking that if anyone else out there can’t, then it is their loss.
I opened myself and let people in, despite the risks involved.
And I feel better for it.